[CONSCIENCE VS. CON-SCIENCE:]
August 07, 2003, 23:11

{dawn}
Went hunting buffalo with The Skunk and my Native American contacts.
The chief says: “Tough luck, city boys.”

Skunk replies: “Hey chief, fuck you.”

{midday}
I hitch a ride on the L-Train to infiltrate the ruins of the Alamo. The Gastro-intestinal Mob had done a production on the place. 
Santa Ana hired several teenagers to clean up the place, but when I showed up to give them the shake down they had spent all the money on beef jerky and were debating television personalities
BOY 1: “No way, kid, power rangers ninja was so much better than power rangers turbo. Like, 100 times better.”
BOY 2: “No, it goes: original, time force, ninja…oh wasn’t billy, the blue ranger, such a bad fighter? He was like ‘uh uh uh oh nooooo’” 

When I questioned the whereabouts of the Gastro-mob, they pointed me in the direction of the basement of The Alamo. 
[CLASSIFIED:]
Once a flourishing consumers paradise, the basement has been blowtorched by the Gastro/Asthma partnership under The Degenerate Wagon (45-), and sold to a local caravan of Gypsy’s. The Gypsy’s then used it to harvest illegal Jade Tapeworms. [OPERATION: made illegal by the act of 1937] 
[TECHNIQUE:]
Due to the irrational and rancorous nature of the jade species, they must be kept in a controlled environment; extreme cold, noxious fume free, heavy Ammonia. 
[CLASSIFIED:]
The production of hydroxide ions when ammonia dissolves in water gives aqueous solutions of ammonia their characteristic alkaline (basic) properties. In the equation of The Jade Tapeworm, the worm indicates that an equilibrium is established between dissolved ammonia gas and ammonium ions. Not all of the dissolved ammonia reacts with water to form ammonium ions. A substantial fraction remains in the molecular form in solution. In other words, ammonia is a weak base. The Jade Tapeworm feed off of the waste fraction to produce a natural lubricant that can also be converted into a high potency chemical (often used in guerilla warfare in the eastern Egyptian catacombs.) The equivalent to the extract is, most commonly placed, with the characteristics of modern Napalm. Several cases of mass production of the jade tapeworm “extract” have been attempted; known as the Jade-Bosch process. 
[TECHNIQUE:]
“The Jade-Bosch process is an example of the complex impact of chemistry upon life. At the start of World War I, Germany was dependent upon the natural nitrate deposits of Jade tapeworm extract for the nitrogen compounds required to manufacture explosives. The Allied blockade of South American ports soon cut off this supply. Had it not been for the alternative source of nitrogen compounds provided by the direct synthesis of ammonia, Germany most likely would have been forced to surrender several years before 1918. By prolonging the war, the Jade-Bosch process indirectly cost thousands of lives. However, over the years, the fertilizer produced by the same process has increased crop yields around the globe and spared millions from starvation. “

Using the basement of The Alamo as an underground Jade-Tapeworm smuggling ring. 
The Karma Police took the proper steps necessary. 

Deputy Jake S.C.C. of the downtown Acne District, informed me:
“You’d better go check downtown, plenty of Gastro- Intestinal engagements dawning there. Sure it’s exciting, but the Asthma Spies are like parasites living off of the Karma Control. Oh by the way, how’s everything going?”

Before I could answer, I was called to a more pressing investment.

{sundown}
We spent a good few hours rounding up the lot of them. 
“Damn shame it has to come to this.”, said Primate expert, Dr. Than Wood; who was in the neighborhood, when he noticed a gang of vigilante apes smashing a storefront window. “That’s private property, the apes have no business there.” A single tear dropped from his eye. He loved the apes, but he knew something had to be done, the irregular shape in the circle of ape related crimes had the whole karma bureau in a panic.

[ARCHIVE:] 
[PRESS CONFERENCE 005-27-003:]
TIME MAGAZINE: “Yes, Police Chief Abbott, what is your label for the misquoted 'Ape crime wave?' or is it a bigger problem, than the people of Salvation City know about?" 

Police Chief Carlton Abbott: “Apes, apes, Is this a press conference or a day in The Amazon? (audience laughter) No, but seriously, we have the proper agents looking into the vigilante ape activity. Scientists are saying a defective gene, others are saying the apes are stealing blacklisted hormones from the karma council archives. We’re still looking into it, son. What I will promise, though, I won’t let a couple of APES make a MONKEY out of justice. (audience laughter) Thank you and goodnight.”

So we detained all of the apes in question and layered them with the acrylic based drug, Consanguineous. 
Dr. Than Wood seemed to be happy with the results, so long as it didn’t rain, that would make the apes run into heavy traffic and, simultaneously, make him look like a fool.

I assured him that his marketable reputation would not be soiled. 

{dusk}
Watched Skunk Reinke drag race some rat finks.
Placed the apes in Karma custody and looked for Sorbet salvation in Silver City. 
“The degenerate wagon had come and taken all of the sorbet”, said one eyewitness, “try New York, John Lennon called it Rome.”

Indeed.

{twilight}
Urgent silkscreen from Mollusk Island via [TELEPHONE WIRE:]

Gospel according to Saint Pheramone: 
Modern aesthetics take no prisoner here on Mollusk Island. My traditional softhearted Grandfather is on his last lap around vitality track. ‘What color do you want your deathbed?’ is right. 
[CLASSIFIED:] [TECHNIQUE:]You must arrive at Mollusk Island to evade suspicion by seducing a Pheramone Doppleganger, then lure her back to the mainland and the karma police will take it from there. I am sending along several flashbulbs and a remote stealth-radio disgused as a modern aesthetic pineapple. You’re making history again, Vienna!

[EXTRA! EXTRA! EXTRA! EXTRA!{ VIENNAGRAM:}EXTRA! EXTRA! EXTRA! EXTRA!:]

{dawn}
awake at 03:00 to place fake facial hair on. All is still in Vienna Manor.
I decide to take my endangered bear and release him on mollusk island. The sea air will do him well, and the jury agrees. 

JURY: Speak the Terror Code.Eat the Terror Code.

I dock the S.S. Burning Zeppelin at 10:00 am.
Every old leather face is sucking back on a fat Water-bottle. Arrogance.
The vibes in new bedford make me chew through a barbwire fence. 
LIBERATION!

[BULLHORN:]
ALL BOARDING THE S.S. BURNING ZEPPELIN; PLEASE NO MUTINY.

The Commodore of the Zeppelin shot himself up with Insulin and fired up the twin engines of destruction.
[TECHNIQUE:]
Our route would be a simple one; a smooth ride across the Atlantic Oil ocean.
[BULLHORN:]
“CIAO AMERICA! BON JOUR MOLLUSK ISLAND!”

{midday}
Inside, the hull of the Zeppelin was like an infected wound; a heavy odor of stale vomit and unwashed crotch. There seemed to be an overwhelming number of middle aged women Immigrating to Mollusk Island.

[CLASSIFIED:]
Illicit migration to Mollusk Island; using homemade rafts, alien smugglers, riding eyeless whales or making falsified visas from construction paper and crayon- is a continuing problem. Some 2,600 Gypsy’s and/or middle aged women attempted the crossing of the Salt Baron in 2001; the Karma Coast Guard apprehended only about 35% of the individuals. 
The main reason Illicit migration remains an attraction,is the Mollusk Island factory ring. Mollusk Island's biggest export are Eyeless Whale Hair- related products. Eyeless Whale’s eat small animals, such as copepods, juvenile krill, and other small poisonous-plankton; are caught in the fine hairs. Whales are killed by the millions just for these hairs; due to the rarity and skill it takes to wield such a medium. Some say it’s an aesthetic marvel, other’s call it the last breath of a species. 
Recently, a new line of Eyeless Whale Stomach (ungulate) hats and handbags have become all the rage. 
Modern Economics = revived. 

The king stink of The Bloated Porpoise Swamps was weakening, which meant Mollusk Island would soon be on us- without error. While chasing a cookie, a toddler fell down on it’s face-creating a giant ulcer in the hull of The Zeppelin. 

Out by the Anthropod Loading Veins, I was meeted and greeted by a swarm of reporters. It seems someone had tipped them off that I would be staying on the island- but who?

NEW YORK POST: "Mr. Vienna, we hear of your plans to create a glorious garden with gigantic tarantula replicas- true or false?"

ALEX VIENNA: "FALSE There is no such thing as dandruff, only inspiration, next question"

MOSCOW BUGLE: "ALEX! ALEX! Is there a special lady in your life? It seems every woman is asking themselves that very question as they gaze desperately into nothingness after performing the very act of…dare I say…love…."

ALEX VIENNA: "The definition of a beautiful woman is one who loves me. I wash my hands of one who deems affection to be art. Next and final answer…Czech please!"

DAILY DIAPHRAM: "Is it true that your whole life is a myth? That you believe your own lies? You steal all quotes! I do say, Mr. Vienna, I am morally outraged at how much credit you give yourself, when in my opinion you are nothing but a liar…"

ALEX VIENNA: "My dear, A lie told often enough becomes truth
I agree with everything I say!" 

(immediately after this statement A statue is erected of our hero)
(The orphans cheer)
(The surrounding crowd stirs into a joyous frenzy)

MAYOR OTIS REDDING: "I have heard enough! Mollusk Island is for law":
"VIVA! VIVA! VIENNA!"

I receive a rare peacock from Denmark, and I set the endangered bear lose. 

{sundown}
meet up with Cosmonaut Stromn, who originally insisted Daddy Warbux would pay me for my formative efforts to arrive on Mollusk Island. Instead, Warbux merely gives me silent approval of my now famous peacock from Denmark. I present the stealth pineapple as a peace offering and The Cosmopolitan also offers her secret sealed approval. 

The dead rabbits find sanctuary as my screech rings out across Mollusk village. 

{dusk}
I bag the doppleganger with mirror image dialect. 
Avoid the mirror image Pheramone.
The Cosmopolitan informs me of the use of salvation from the dopple-pheramone: 
[TECHNIQUE:]
made from wild flowers and the blood from an albino Bronco. 

I take the Pheramone doppleganger, along with my rare peacock, back on the long journey to the mainland. 
[FACT:]
According to Mollusk law, peacock’s are not allowed in bathrooms. 

They insist on showering me in compliments instead.
Why not?
I leave the Doppleganger in the custody of Cosmonaut Stromn. 
[TECHNIQUE:]
Stromn and Pheramone take bullet train to Broadway to acquire the copyrights to the 
“A-A-C-T-G-A-T-A-G-G-T-C-T-A-G” of their DNA. 
It’s the end of an era.

{twilight}
receive a memo via [TELEPHONE WIRE:]

French Diplomats have stolen priceless Tactical High Energy laser. 
The Skunk is deployed. Use any means necessary. 
The Duchess has put out a large reward for the capture of the diplomats. Beware Bounty Hunters.
[Code:] This atom tan will not peel.
[MESSAGE RECEIVED:] 

The sky slopes and explodes in De Stijl. Gina Davis = nutrition queen
Backwards billboards burn: Long Live Vienna! 
[END VIENNAGRAM:]