[SIGNAL:] [SIGNAL:] [SLOW DOWN, ASIAN MINOR:]
July 30, 2003, 00:09

{dawn}
back to the good life.
Played croquet at the synagogue with The RABBI, RAQUEL WELCH.
I bet the rabbi, if I won, he’d have to change the spelling of “synagogue” to “cinna-gog.” Needless to say, Raquel Welch make a lot of unnecessary sexual comments. 

After the game at the cinna-gog, we all went down the street to the catholic church with harpoon guns and scuba equipment and stole their crucifixes. Raquel skipped breakfast so she ate all of the body of christ and drank the blood like she had just run a marathon. 

{midday}
Left them in Japan.

The saint got into a car jamming accident. The account is as follows:

[CLASSIFIED:]
EXHIBIT A: a (one) bow and (one) arrow

M. PHERAMONE WAS BUSY PAINTING HER NAILS AND LIGHTING A CIGARETTE, BY SIMPLY LIFTING A DOG’S TAIL. 
[TECHNIQUE:]
THE FLAME SHOOTS 5 FT. OUT OF THE DOG’S ANUS.

THE PASSANGER OF THE STOLEN EL DORADO SLAMMED INTO MS. PHERAMONE’S FACE. THE PASSANGER ALSO FELL ASLEEP BEFORE FILES COULD BE PROPERLY CHARGED. 
[CLASSIFIED:]
ESPIONAGE BY FOLLOWING SUSPECTS:
A: Asthma Spies
B: Alex Vienna
C: The Portuguese Widowmaker
D: Red Meat
E: Bounty Hunters
F: Alex Vienna

UNTIL PROPER FILES ARE STORED, THIS CASE WILL REMAIN OPEN.
{sundown}
Sat up for hours by M. Pheramone’s side.
Due to the accident, she has her whole head wrapped in bandages. I resist the urge to put glue in all of her breathing holes. 
The doctor tells me
[CLASSIFIED:]
DOCTOR THAN WOOD: “When I take these bandages off, the beautiful woman you once knew will be gone. I promise you that much, Mr. Vienna.”

NURSE: “In that case, you could always feed her to the giant praying mantis, on the second floor. It’s a standard operation, many patient’s associates have decided to go that route. Yes, well you should at least give it some thought, Mr. Vienna

{dusk}
[BULLHORN:]
EXTRA! EXTRA! ALEX VIENNA EXPLAINS CORROLATION BETWEEN ENDANGERED ELECTRIC EEL AND THE PERFECTION OF THE SPLIT ATOM! TOTAL PLAGURISM= TOTAL BRILLIANCE! 

[Uranium gives off three types of radiation; Alpha particles, Beta particles and Gamma rays. Alpha particles are one of the most dangerous, but it is a short distance radiation that could not penetrate a sheet of paper or the skin of your hand. Beta particles are the weakest that could not penetrate a thin sheet of 0.5 cm. of aluminum block. Gamma rays are the strongest in penetrating the skin and long term exposure could result in radiation poisoning. This could be stopped by a thick 0.5 cm, of lead. Gamma rays are almost the same as x-rays. 

The electric eel (Electrophorous electricus) is not considered a true eel. Although it looks like other eels, it is quite different. The electric eel has different habits, and is commonly known for its ability to generate an electric current. It is a spineless, toothless fish that grows up to three feet long and is found in the Amazon and other South American rivers.
The characteristics of the electric eel which makes it unique, is the electric voltage that it produces. The body of the electric eel is mostly made up of an organ that produces electricity. Like a battery the electric eel has two opposite poles (the head and the tail), and when they discharge, the voltage flows from either the head or the tail.
The organ in the electric eel that enables it to produce electricity is made up of 5,000 to 6,000 electroplaques (set up much like the cells in a dry battery). Each electroplaque produces only a small voltage, but when all the electroplaque are all arranged in series (as they are in the body of the electric eel) you get a large jolt. It can produce voltages of up to 500 to 650 volts. This is five times the voltage that comes out a wall socket, and is strong enough to injure or even kill a human.
The question that remains to be answered is, why does the electric eel have this strange ability? The answer is quite simple, the electric eel uses it ability to produce electricity to hunt for food. The charge from the eel kills its prey allowing the electric eel to swallow it. They need to do this because they have no teeth, and can only feed on prey that is not moving. Although the electric eel can produce large voltages it is the current that kills and not the voltage.

Energy is indestructible as is matter and the scientist only needs to take a large enough field for observation to discover that absolutely nothing is wasted or thrown away in the universal scheme of things. Science is proving rapidly that activity is but an interchange of activities and in philosophy minds bent to research are learning that human manifestation is an interchange of human relations.

PROFESSOR: Are you saying, philosophy, not radiation, is what is causing millions to die each day? And The Duchess what does she say of this, Mr. Vienna?

Well, professor, I’m unsure of what the duchess thinks of philosophy, but she has instructed total gambling of fate with radioactive water foreplay. You see, The amount of radiation was tested through water samples that are taken from wells, which are monitored every three months. Not only does radiation float through the air to expose the citizens, but it is also in the groundwater. Since uranium has an atomic weight of 238. 036, it is the heaviest metal in nature that just flows through the blockades, in the mound and into the bay shores. Other radioactive materials are light elements that they flow northwest towards Japan. 

There are ways of cleaning up these contaminations by using a simple method called Hyper realistic-electric eel- decontamination. This includes using, or utilizing, eels to suck up the radiation by simply shocking it into oblivion. I think you’ll all agree, “The eel is a good deal” Thank you and good night.” 

[Shortly after this speech, there is worldwide upheaval, as citizens burn science and philosophy books alike. Police Chief Carlton Abbott issues a statement:]
[BULLHORN:]
POLICE CHIEF CARLTON ABBOTT: “The Karma bureau is working to full potential. Shortly after Mr. Vienna’s speech, there was a tremendous outcry of support, so much so that violence ensued. Mr. Vienna is not responsible for this. We, The karma bureau, blame Mirror Image Philosophy and The Principle of guilt. We are currently looking into all espionage efforts. As Mr. Vienna said to me recently, ‘Social Conduct is an aesthetic phenomenon.’ He must learn that attitude is the controlling factor in mood and that mood controls the implication of facts. He must Never apologize. Never explain. 
We are for law: Viva! Viva! Vienna!” 

{twilight}
“Blood and tears are nothing but a fashion statement.” 

[QUESTION:]
Signal 11, what does that mean? 
[ANSWER:]
Signal 11, or officially know as "segmentation fault", means that the program accessed a memory location that was not assigned. That's usually a bug in the program. So if you're writing your own program, that's the most likely cause. However, this FAQ will concentrate on the possibilities besides that. 
[QUESTION:]
My (kernel) compile crashes with 
gcc: Internal compiler error: program cc1 got fatal signal 11
What is wrong with the compiler? Which version of the compiler do I need? Is there something wrong with the kernel? 
[ANSWER:]
VIVA! VIVA! VIENNA!
[Message received:] [Bullhorn:]
[END VIENNAGRAM:]